the one when we road the train

I have yet to master relaxation to minimize stress.

That’s just a fact.

I don’t think I will ever be one of those calm individuals that listen to others with ease. My eyes always display emotion, the moment it arises.

Zac and I road the train. It was filled with people, which is very unlike Austin in my opinion. People and their bikes piled on and off the MetroRail as we made our way downtown. It was exhilarating. Our Friday night was beginning with adventure on the premise of the Austin City Limits Music Fest. Just what we planned.

Quickly, emotions changed. 

We met up with some couple friends at a local beer garden and exchanged common small talk. The night started peacefully. Ambitiously, after ending dinner we headed down the street to a “dirty” row of bars. The clubs were empty at 9pm but that didn’t stop the attempt to feel a youthful twenty. The conversation took a dark turn as the drinks flowed heavily. My psyche was starting to fill with sorrow and remorse and my intellect was unashamedly saying how counseling is not a skill I possess within. I listened over and over to stories of abuse, anger and hate.

Now, the details of the conversation aren’t ready for the internet wasteland, but the topics covered sexual abuse, tyrannical misogyny and religious anxiety. We went safely home–late. I woke up late, the next morning, with a blur of memories. My mind froze and even the day following. (Which is why my blogging stopped so abruptly.)

Reacting to such an honest, overt and emotional “conversation” wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t a first step. I’m not sure I am even now ready to debrief my brain, but business as usual has kept life going.

I have learned that friendships are a give and take. And in order to give we need to be filled by only the Lord. That’s the simple truth.

The beginning of Psalm 127 came perfectly into my hands last night; only the Holy Spirit’s work.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved.”

Without the Lord, all else is mute.

I’ve told myself, ‘I may not be the most perfect blogger,’ but it’s a perfect tool to hone in on emotions, life lessons and God’s truth. So I’ll keep it going.

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